Conclusion: Pussy is distractive.
I can’t believe how I still worry about anything. There is a deep underlying gratitude for life and for being alive inside of me. Whatever ‘problem’ I have and whatever ‘struggle’ I go through, I know that down below I’m fine. Down deep I’m happy and grateful to be alive and to have the chance to experience all of this.
Recently tho, I think things have changed…
(I had to pause and really feel inside of me after I wrote that last sentence to be sure if I actually mean that.) I don’t know man. It almost feels like that underlying gratitude has gone cloudy. It has been clouded by frustration, sadness, pain, disappointment and stuff I can’t even explain.
Within the last 20 years I’ve been in four longer relationships with women. All lasted somewhere between 3-5 years. Most of my life since I was 16 I’ve had a partner. The most recent one was definitely my last. It was the most intense, of all of them. I mean, every single one had its purpose and I learned a lot. There was a point where I thought, ‘maybe I’m not a relationship guy’. But then I met somebody… hahah
It was different tho. We always said to each other ‘no expectations, I want you to be here because you want to be here. If you ever change your feelings about being here, please let me know.’
Sounds great, doesn’t it. Well, it kind of worked. In one of my other blog posts I talk about how hard it is to not have any expectations. My soon ex-wife clearly had a lot of expectations and I had the expectation of us not having expectations. It’s so easy to say something. It’s so easy to blame somebody else. Man, I could go on about this, but I’m actually feeling kind of bored with it right now…
I wonder what life is like for people that never have been in relationships. If you’re not in a relationship, you don’t have kids and if you wouldn’t have that urge to hook up with anybody… oh my god. You could be the most productive person ever. Let me give you an advice if I may. Take it or leave it. Either way it comes from my own experience - Pussy is distractive.
It’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s painful and it’s frustrating. But most of all it is distractive.
It’s time to take care of myself.
Enjoy your day.
Jelly
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