HAHAHA... it happened again, but this time was a little different.
We all have agreements with people, right? Is guess that’s fair to say. But what is an agreement?
When we agree with somebody on something, we assuming we understand the person we are agreeing with. We say we are in understanding with certain conditions we have presented to each other and say, ‘Ok, I understand and I agree.’ Both people take responsibility of keeping their promise of the agreement.
Oh no… there it is again. A promise. If you read my other blog posts you know what can happen by taking somebodies promises. Do you remember? That’s right. You create E x p e c t a t i o n s.
So, now weeks down the line, we reach out to that person again and say, ‘Hey remember the agreement we have and how we agreed on this?’ and the other person goes, ‘No that’s not what we said. We actually agreed on something different.’
Both of you now are explaining what the agreement was and realize that your ideas are not matching anymore. ‘But you said this’. ‘No, I didn’t say this. It was you who said it.’ And so on…
A lot of people like to write contracts for that reason. They can go back, point their finger at a sentence on piece of paper and it’s all settled. Every time both people are back on the same page. Problem solved.
HAHAH if it was that easy, why would we need lawyers and court rooms and judges and an entire judicial system.
No, paperwork also doesn’t give a complete resolution. It might help you remember what you said, but it definitely doesn’t hold people back keeping to disagree with each other.
Ok, in my case it was a verbal agreement. I like to keep it simple, no written contracts. I rather rely on honesty.
Now it turns out, both of us remembered the agreement differently. I was asking for something the other person says doesn’t align with the agreement and that this is not how it works.
Naturally I was surprised because I remembered it differently.
Here is a description of my emotional response in that moment, I realized we created different realities about our agreement.
At first, I got an emotional response in my chest and gut area. Like an energy rush. A warm, a little compressing sensation. Then I took a breath into that emotion and focused on my body. The other person told me about being upset about my approach. I was reinventing facts. He accused me of acting out of neediness.
Now, he assumes he knows my intentions and experience of the world. He thinks I am breaking the agreement. At this point, I still felt the emotion in my gut. I could feel it because I was not letting the energy flow through me as his words were spoken. I was holding on to the energy because I disagreed with it. However, the realization that I wanted to move on from it, came shortly after. I know my intentions and also, I know what I am accused of is not true, because it’s illogical from my point of you. Instead of insisting on being right, explaining my point of view, the way I understood the agreement and fight back on the accusations, I decided to move on. Clearly both of us remembered the agreement differently and we both thought it was clear when it was spoken. I didn’t have any selfish or bad intentions when the agreement was first established. I’m clear with myself and I don’t accuse the other person of anything. I can let go of the emotion and move the energy through my body to reestablish a balanced experience. I arrive back in the moment.
It seems like there was miscommunication. No problem. I don’t insist on my memory being correct and yours being wrong. I accept, we have different memories about the agreement and that we both believe we are right. I’m not attached to a particular outcome. Therefore, I’m free of expectations.
I moved on. This happened within about 3 min.
What an empowering experience.
Enjoy your emotions.
Jelly
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