Fear can fuck right off!
Phew… it’s like a rush. It’s like a rush of…
I don’t even know. I can’t really explain in.
I’m missing something, but not the person. It’s some sort of unfulfillment I’m seeking to find outside of myself. Memories are taking me back. Memories are drawing me back. They sometimes hold me back.
Now, it’s like the attraction there was once before has shifted. Now, I’m just attracted to the memories and the memories are still fresh. But I know they will fade over time and so will the feelings they trigger. Something else will tigger them in the future.
More importantly, what does it do for me in present moment? What can I learn from it? The present moment keeps moving on. Don’t be sentimental. Be in the NOW. What’s in the NOW?
Now, I’m breathing, I’m feeling, I’m thinking, I’m creating, I’m moving, I’m full of potential, I’m alive. Stick to what I love. This is my focus. Practice will get me where ever I want to go. With pure focus on what I love, practice will never get boring. More than that, practice turns into living. Music has become such an enormous part of my life. My body, my thoughts, my emotions. I never feel like I’m practicing. It goes far beyond music. Being authentic, that’s what it is. There is no difference between practicing and just living, because at any point in time I feel like I’m doing what I want to do. Not even that actually. I feel like what I have come here to do. My reason and meaning and purpose for being here. Grief, the old companion is here to guide me at this moment in time. Grief is like train tracks leading into a thick mist. It’s keeping me on my path, but what’s ahead is unclear and that’s perfect.
Only trust and belief in myself will keep me moving. Fear can fuck right off.
Enjoy your day,
Jelly
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