I don't even know where to start. Last year was very powerful for me. I started committing completely to my purpose. I created Jellyfish and it really set something in motion for me. My life was going into the right direction. Upwards and forwards. I was married to a woman I completely committed to . I was in love. Not for the first time, but this time was different. This time it felt different. I decided to completely commit to us because I realized I will achieve any goal if I just don't give up. So, I decided to I will never give up on this woman.
Never in my life have I been in a relationship in which I was so much yelled at, insulted, accused and judged.
But I was able to look into her eyes every time she unloaded her past life trauma, insecurities and fears on me. Every single time I would take all of her pain and absorb it, let it pass through me and give her nothing but love and acceptance. I knew, non of it had to do with me because I was completely honest with her. I never cheated (or even thought about cheating), I never had bad intentions and I was being the most authentic version of myself I could be. But, it's never enough...
People keep telling me I'm nice, happy, funny, chilled, easy going, relaxed. In fact, that's probably why most people like me and are attracted to me. So they hang around. I'm also good looking and fun in bed. Sure, that helps. Women wanna spend time with me. You know what though. I will tell you this and this is not a lie. I will NEVER, N E V E R tell anybody WHAT they should do or HOW they should be. NEVER. I don't consider myself qualified enough to know what is good for anybody but myself. Of course, I have an opinion on things or give you an advice if you ask me. However, this is just my perspective on things. I wouldn't consider my values more important than yours.
So, why the fuck do women I'm in 'relationships' with have this urge of telling me what I should do. Why do they want to change me into somebody else....?
Well, rhetorical question. I know the answer, guys.
They wanna change me because they are too fucking afraid to change themselves.
Oohh, now I'm feeling it, So let's go...
If you are looking for problems in another person, then you have identified a problem within yourself. Now, you all you need to do is realize that this is YOUR problem and not the other person's. Unless you're very conscious this won't happen because there is another problem in your way.
It's the fact that you think you can change another person. Listen to this tho. Big surprise. Do you really think you can change anybody, but yourself motherfucker?! I have never met anybody in my life who enjoys being told what to do or how to be. Next time you get that urge and you start your sentence with the words 'You should....', just remember that YOU are the problem. Same thing goes for 'You can't...'. Oh my god how I hate that one. Please tell me one more time what I can and cannot do you scared little dip shit. If you're telling me I can't do something, you are lacking imagination. You are lacking commitment. Just be honest and choose your words right. Just say it. ' I can't.....' not 'You can't'. You are talking about yourself. I love this phrase the most, when people say it just after I did the exact thing they said I can't do. You scared little fuck. Trying to dumb your insecurities on me. And how persistent you can be. Sometimes you really keep going on about it. But all I'm hearing is a tiny voice crying into a pillow.
I'm not telling you what you should do, but here is what you COULD do. You could face your insecurities, worries, fears, bullshit, (call it whatever you want). Just face it yourself. Because every time you make somebody else responsible for your own misery you are pushing them further away from you. You are pushing them away because you are not loving and accepting them as they are. Which on a deeper level is because you are not loving and accepting yourself enough. Once you love and accept yourself the way you are, at any given time, you will completely be in harmony with not just yourself but your outside world. Nobody, no situation and nothing will become a problem because you have accepted that any problem comes from within yourself and you are the one who can solve it.
It's a never ending practice.
Jelly
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